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| RED BEAR'S JOURNEY OCTOBER Issue 2008 A Newsletter by Red Bear (Kevin Dubrow LCSW) September 2007 * Dedicated to meaning truth and wisdom Dubrow & Associates * 3640 Prairie Ave., Brookfield, IL 60513 * All calls to 708.387.1210 _____________________________________________________________________________ Mentoring by Red Bear When the hurting ones, masked ones, damaged ones, lost ones, angry ones, despairing ones, fear-filled ones, near death ones come to mentorship I invite them to a first glimpse of a different world than they have ever experienced except maybe in forgotten young childhood a universe that includes this culture but goes deeply beyond and transcends it Some runaway right away to return to their glasses and dishes to hide under well worn blood dried blankets to escape back to illusions and cells with concrete walls Some begin to enter sacred spaces and places outside and within themselves that I guide them to Then they disappear and vanish some crawl away licking wounds that they fear can’t be healed some waving closed fists yelling at me because they don’t want to look into the mirror returning to conditioned patterns and habits that don’t work except to merely survive and, perhaps, have comfort and pleasure A few courageous and brave ones immerse their whole being in the ascending, descending spiral circle in the process, path, journey I guide each differently as no two are same I guide each as I do others as no two are different Into being Men not boys or Women not girls Into being the Fool, Hero, Warrior, Lover Being Self and Soul Being Alive uncovering, discovering, recovering meaning, truth, wisdom, Love claiming and reclaiming being small and BIG, soft and STRONG, Anima or Animus, humility, gratitude, trust and faith being Earth, Fire, Water, Air exploring and experiencing the Sacred becoming their true essence, true nature connecting and interconnecting with Nature I laugh with them, cry with them, hug them, share pain with them, confront them, yell at them, blast them telling endless stories and teachings guiding to ritual and ceremonies for their journey I share all I’ve learned and all I intuit from when I began my journey at 17 to this present moment when I am 55 openly, vulnerably, deeply I share all my painful wounds that have become honored scars as a wounded healer I share all I have learned and intuit about emptying, healing, transformation, transcendence the ascending and descending Self and Soul as a shaman I never know who will run or who will stay that isn’t up to me as I have no power as a mentor and truly is what is however, as long as I guide them, it is a gift--- a sacred responsibility--- in each one-to-one session, group, VisionQuest, Retreat and … For me, to mentor is a gift that involves much pain, sadness, peacefulness, joy Menoring is why I am here on the Earth my purpose, meaning, compass As long as people come to be guided or until I leave this life this is my path, my journey, my life, my aliveness Meegwetch to those who mentored me into being a mentor who inspired me with their trust and faith in me when I had none (especially Morty) Meegwetch to those who have come to me for mentorship and those who will be carried to me in the future Meegwetch ________________________________________ Good Manners by Red Bear In a used bookstore, I found a hardback copy of Book pf Etiquette by Eichler copyrighted in 1921 for two bucks. I couldn’t resist buying it and I read it from cover to cover. For the most part it felt like reading a sci-fi novel about a distant planet and its inhabitants. About 20% of the book was relevant for today with 40% not relevant and 40% ridiculous. However, reading the book led me to contemplating, pondering and reflecting on good manners. (I remember many years ago reading Miss Manners Guide for Excruciating Correct Behavior that I found to be a wonderful work on good manners. I strongly recommend this book. I have drawn on this book for exercises in individual and group sessions with teenagers many times.) No matter who you are or what you do good manners is important. Good manners are a direction reflection of not only how you feel about others and public space, but how you truly feel about yourself. Good manners is NOT about a set of dogmatic behaviors based on rigid social doctrine to impress others with one’s “social standing and high society breeding”. Good manners are about how to share with others and how to share public space. Good manners are ways we show SELF-respect and respectfulness to others. The following are some of RED BEAR’S GUIDE TO GOOD MANNERS: Be kind and considerate Be understanding and sensitive Be respectful and honoring Be aware of your surroundings and how your behavior will effect and impact on other people… do NOT effect or impact negatively Clean up after yourself when using public space (never litter!) Do NOT be harmful or hurtful to others or the environment Do NOT feel you are more important than others in your behavior in public spaces Do NOT be oblivious, narcissistic, egocentric and ego absorbed in public (it is best to not be this way in private either, but some can’t help it) Be a good listener…listen with all three ears…the third ear is your heart Do NOT gossip, spread rumors, character assault or loudly blather away as a know-it-all so everyone hears you… further, you do NOT need to blast loudly every thought and feeling you have in public…save a few for private places Do NOT make others listen to your cell phone conversations or ignoring driving while babbling on your cell phone…this is true for banging and banging on computer keys in public places Remember, others may NOT want to hear your music or have their eardrums shattered by your music (or what passes as music). In general, do NOT seek to impress or ignore others in public with offensive, obnoxious LOUDNESS. While confrontation and conflict may be called for and disagreements will arise, RUDENESS is never called for. Being demeaning, degrading or humiliating is never called for as well…even if the other person is wrong or has wronged you. Do NOT embarrass others in public. When things go terribly or horribly, you shouldn’t abandon good manners. Dealing with conflict truthfully is good manners…while both avoiding conflict or escalating conflict is bad manners. Conflict and pain arise all the time in one’s life. Find a path with good manners to deal with conflict and pain. Do NOT treat anyone as being inferior to you. If you treat yourself as being inferior, then treat others better than you treat yourself. Grandiosity, arrogance, and conceit demonstrate bad manners and usually deep seated inadequacy feelings that shouldn’t be played out in public. When asked a question, answer the question in whole, complete sentences. If you don’t want to answer a question, calmly and politely share you don’t wish to answer the question. Good manners often guides us to asking others questions that demonstrate interest or concern in them, Being quiet and silent is good manners at times, but being a selective mute or a complete mute is not. One word answers to questions (“fine”, “okay”) and passively aggressively hiding behind “I don’t know” is bad manners. By the way, all passive aggressivity is bad manners. While those you have “intimate” relationships may want to hear your abusive, assaulting, cursing language, no one else does. Your feelings and thoughts may be important to you, but they are NOT more important than others feelings and thoughts. Remember do NOT judge others…seek to discern and discriminate truth. Clothing can reflect your sense of or lack of style. However, clothing should NOT be blatantly offensive, in clearly poor taste and not cover parts of your body that should be covered in public. When you are driving, do NOT forget about good manners. Have good manners whenever you drive. Use your turn signals whenever you make a turn. Don’t tailgate! A car must never be a weapon or a way to express anger or rage. Do NOT make public spaces and places into your private bedroom… this has several levels of meaning. If you must use, misuse and abuse alcohol and drugs, do NOT do so in a way that can hurt or harm others… never ever drive after using alcohol or drugs. The use of alcohol and drugs is never an excuse, rationale or explanation for poor manners and hurtful, harmful behavior. Even if in some bizarre, misguided way you find pornography to “enrich” your life or as an “art” form, leave it out of the public realm. Men with good manners treat girls and women respectfully in public (and in private too). Women with good manners treat boys and men with good manners. Men with good manners treat boys and other men respectfully in public. Women with good manner treat girls and other woman respectfully in public. When laughing or crying in public, one shouldn’t seek to cause a public scene. You don’t have to stifle crying or laughing, but you don’t have to be offensive either. Phoniness, flattery, lying and deceit demonstrate bad manners. Combine genuineness and authenticity with compassion and you will be acting with good manners. Patience…patience is essentially to having and acting with good manners. It is very difficult, if not impossible to have good manners and demand everyone and everything be on your timetable with boorish impatience. Being disappointed or frustrated does NOT give you the right to have bad manners. Loudly, obnoxiously seeking to impress others with how much money you allegedly have (or owe) or with your exorbitant, luxurious possessions is bad manners. If you must seek to impress others, do so through being kind, compassionate, truthful and wise. Do NOT seek a reward for having and acting with good manners…they are rewards in and of themselves. ________________________________________ Here is Wisdom by Red Bear Here is wisdom What is is Being aware and alert of what is Being observant and witnessing what is Being detached to learn from what is Being mindful and heart-full of what is Here is wisdom Everyone and everything is alive animated with energy a life force a Soul The Soul is connected and interconnected to Sacredness and Holiness Divinity beyond names and naming beyond knowing and defining The Tao, the Great Mystery, God, Gods and Goddesses, the Ancients and Ancestors, the One are names that may have the ring of truth but too often become subject to rules, dogma, doctrine, concepts Even the Soul is a name too often subject to projections, idealizing, demonizing, judgment What is is transpersonal yet personal is transcendent yet present magic and mystical yet tangible Here is wisdom What is Speaks with us Sends us messages Guides us Teaches us Who we are What our path is In every present moment We humbly open vulnerably open deeper and deeper with and carried by trust and faith to What is ________________________________________ Questions to the BEAR Question: I am new teacher. I will be teaching my first class out of graduate school. What advise do you have? Red Bear’s Answer: 1.Be passion (passion and more passion) 2.Be fair and consistent with ALL discipline… from the first class till the last… 3.Remember you teach young human beings then you teach a subject 4.Directly confront conflict… don’t escalate or avoid conflict (though you may find dealing with conflict to be one of the biggest taboos in teaching) 5.Listen to teachers you respect and learn from them as you begin to become your own teacher… stay as far as you can from negative influences at your school 6.Take care of your SELF and SOUL. Take care of your body, mind and heart throughout the school year. 7.Have a life…be alive…outside of teaching. 8.Your classroom is a GROUP and you are the GROUP ELDER and initial LEADER…build student leaders in your class…build a group process 9. Sure there will be pain, but don’t suffer. Learn from the pain it will make you a better teacher. 10.Demonstrate to your students your love and enjoyment in learning…being curious…if you don’t enjoy teaching and you class neither will your students. Creativity and imagination are great friends to true learning. 11.Don’t make parents into an enemy, but don’t make parents into your supervisor either. (By-the- way, students bring their whole families and family dynamic into your classroom.) Listen and listen to parents. Remember most of parents’ anger is truly frustration and disappointment. Seek the best working relationship you can with parents. 12.Don’t be afraid of making mistakes. You will! learn from mistakes and don’t keep repeating them. As Osho says make mistakes…just make them new mistakes. 13.Be awake…be alert…be mindful…be heart-full. Your job is to touch the lives of young human beings. As Don Miguel Ruiz shares do your best and feel good about it regardless of the results. 14.Best of luck! Remember teaching is your vocation and is a journey. BREATHE! ________________________________________ Since 1977, Kevin Red Bear Dubrow LCSW has offered inservices, programs, workshops, staff development, parent talks and other stuff to 100s of schools, colleges, agencies and organizations. See WORKSHOPS on this website. ________________________________________ Submit your QUESTIONS TO THE BEAR at redbear@redbearsjourney.com ________________________________________ MEEGWETCH to the 12 questors and Loving Flowing Dolphin (Guide) for making the September VISIONQUEST one of the most amazing and transformational experiences ever! ________________________________________ The Voice of the King by Red Bear Long ago in a land very different from this one, there was a peaceful kingdom ruled by a wise king. However, it appeared that the long reign of harmony and serenity was to be upended. There were many credible reports that a neighboring kingdom was beginning preparations to make war in order to expand its territory. The King called for a gathering of all his key advisors. The King asked each to tell what they counseled at this time. The Hero, who was a man of great bravery, courage and martial prowess, spoke first, “ My Liege, humbly I advise that you grant permission and blessing for me to take the royal army to strike a mighty blow against the enemy. The troops are trained and ready. Actually, we are waiting for your voice to tell us to unleash a fury that ends any chance the enemy has for victory. You have taught me well as a Hero and I am ready to serve”, the Hero stated. The King thanked the courageous and brave Hero. The Warrior, who was a man of great strength and equally skilled at strategy, went next. “Your Royal Highness, humbly I ask that you grant your voice to my preparing the whole kingdom for attack. We will be more than ready for anything the enemy brings to our doorstep plus a few surprises they will not be prepared for. It maybe a long siege, but we will prevail. You have been my mentor as a warrior and I will not let you down”, shared the Warrior. The King thanked the noble Warrior. The Trickster, who through mirth often shined a bright light on truth, went next. “Oh, my king who is most erudite and of unparalleled compassion. Oh, my ruler who knows what there is to know and, more importantly, knows what is unknown. Let’s invite the enemy to a party and dazzle them into maintaining the peace through dance and feasting. We could also make a tail for everyone in our kingdom and put it between our legs. We could also have some dress as an ostrich and put their heads in a bucket of sand. We can’t give up the peace even if we are slaughtered”, said the Trickster. The Senior Finance Minister, whose riches were somehow beginning to approach that of the King, spoke up, “The Trickster has a point, but as usually states it in a most unusual way. We don’t want war. Let us seek to negotiate with our brother kingdom and perhaps the peace can be maintained. I recommend nothing be done till we find negotiations fail. Prolonged negotiating may yet keep the peace. I would be willing to lead the negotiations for our kingdom. This is also best for the royal treasury.” The King nodded his head. The Royal Seer, who was a woman of great magic and mystery, was next. “My Lord, war must be avoided at all costs. War is easy. Peace is hard. Let us do all to ensure the peace. If war is unavoidable, let us do all we can to ensure a victory that is as bloodless as possible. The victory we must seek is one that returns us to peace. Unfortunately, I see the enemy as not valuing peace as you do and we must prepare for action. Action that is guided by your noble steady hand”, said the Royal Seer. The Royal Spiritual Advisor, was a man of sacredness and holiness, was next. ”My king and closet friend, I am at a loss on what to share. What a gift we had and have in being at peace. I would want nothing to stop this. I know nothing of war and the loss of but one life is very, very sad for me. I will honor and respect whatever the King decides. I only ask that if we must go to war that we fight with honor, valor and integrity. We must seek not to make our enemy suffer. It is too often that the common man and his family suffer due to the ignorance, greed and power of their king for few kings have your truth, wisdom and Love.” shared the Royal Spiritual Advisor. The Head of the Royal Guard, who was a man of absolute integrity and loyalty, was next. “Sire, my concern is for your welfare and that of the royal family. I suggest we move the royal family and yourself to safer ground. You can command and rule from there. Whatever is to happen, the royal family and you must be safe. You are the shining light of your kingdom and your well-being must be of the foremost concern”, the Head of the Royal Guard said. The Queen, who was a woman of rare strength and empathy, was next. “Beloved husband and my royal sovereign, do we not need to know more before deciding the best course of action? Of course, my wish is that no blood be shed and no life lost. If peace can be maintained then that is best. If war is a certainty, we most be prepared to win with the least loss of life possible. I have trust and faith you will guide our kingdom in peace and in war”, the Queen stated. The King smiled and thanked his love and queen. The King looked out the castle window. It was a beautiful day with a bright sun and gentle breeze. He saw the lovely gardens, the distant ancient woods, troops training, and his people engaged in their daily lives. He allowed himself to be lost in thought and contemplation for a while. He observed his emotions that were stirred up by all that was going on. He waited patiently for his intuition to arise. The King’s voice echoed through the room as he spoke, “Royal Guard, place the Senior Finance Minister under house arrest until further notice. Allow him to receive no visitors and send no messages. It seems he has somehow become too wealthy of late and may not have the kingdom’s best interest at heart. Take all precautions to protect the Royal Family and myself, but I will not leave the castle. Trickster, as usual, your counsel is heard. My Queen, I take all you said to mind and heart. It will not be forgotten. Hero, take a single unit of your best men and find out what is happening in the field with our enemy’s troops. Keep the Royal Army on full alert ready at a moments notice for whatever is needed. Warrior, immediately begin your preparations and surprise. The kingdom depends on your excellent work to come. Royal Seer, take what steps are required to learn what we need to know then prepare to protect our kingdom. Royal Spiritual Advisor, we will be as honorable in war as we are in peace; however, all decisive action that is called upon will occur. Royal Herald, I will shortly have messages for you to take to their king and another to the commander of their troops. We will let our desire for continued peace be known and our willingness to meet to discuss any issues. This is all that can be done now. We will stand at full readiness and, until we are assured that peace, harmony and serenity will be ours, we will not fall asleep.” ________________________________________ ChaOs RAnt This Rant preceded the CHAOS Ritual and Ceremony that is beyond all words on the Blinded by the Light VisionQuest in Sedona, Airxona in April 2008. So, imagine the most gorgeous full MOON that seems about two and a half miles away. Moon Light glowing on the Red Rock Mountains and the Red Rock Kachinas. The sounds of the rushing River and gentle Winds providing the music. Hi, I am Kaos, and I am Chaos’ brother. Chaos couldn’t be here as she is performing at an off the strip strip bar in Vegas putting her clothes back on backwards. She is then having an intimate late late gourmet dinner and early early fast food breakfast for two on top of a toxic waste dump with the Egg Man and the Walrus. Finally, she is going to play with young children at an orphanage then eat them. If the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans was one drop of water, then Chaos is what you would need to make 1,000 cups of tea. Chaos is Jimi Hendrix and the Montovani Strings playing Bye Bye Miss America Pie, Mack the Knife and the Brandenburg Concertos at the same time. Chaos is seeing every movie you ever saw backwards at the same time every cartoon you every saw was playing forwards. Chaos is seeing a Broadway Play that simultaneously performs all of Shapespeare’s plays, the Sound of Music, Fiddler on the Roof, Equus, Man of La Mancha, Rent and Johnny Got His Gun. Chaos is meditating inside a tornado then brushing your teeth as a hurricane engulfs you. Chaos will rock and roll you, stir and shake you, change your diaper and nurse you, bake, fry and roast you while cutting your hair, giving you a pedicure, taking off your finger nails and singing you Brahms lullaby. The stillness in Chaos make an iron statue seem like a party of hyperactive nine year old boys who have eaten only sugar for a week. The Silence in Chaos makes any silence you’ve experienced seem like a band competition of every high school marching band in America playing John Phillips Sousa, Steel Drum and Rap music all at the same time. The Sounds of Chaos are 10,000 times louder and harsher than all the member of the National Rifleman’s Association screaming about proposed hand gun control and softer and sweeter than 10,000 babies cooing. In Chaos, a 200 mile supersonic train going continually at full spend would take a century to go a ¼ mile…while a snail could walk the whole Earth four times in a nanosecond. If you took all the dreams and nightmares had in the last five generations of everyone you know that would be a wishful moment in Chaos. If you took the darkest dark you could possible imagine that would be a brilliant sunny day in Chaos…and if you looked directly into the Sun on a clear day that would be pitch darkness in Chaos. If you took all the colors on every painting from the 16th Century till today that would be like a box of 8 crayons in Chaos. If you took all the WOWS, Amazings, Oh My Gods, Ahas, Incredible, Unbelievable had by everyone you ever met that would be a sneeze, belch and fart in Chaos. If you took all the pain, suffering and anguish everyone who has ever been in therapy has felt it would be a sigh and yawn in Chaos. Take the deepest Void, Abyss, Emptiness and Nothing you can imagine and that would be a busy shopping center and amusement park compared to the Void, Abyss, Emptiness and Nothing in Chaos. Take all the angels, messiahs, prophets, masters, theologians and pilgrims that have ever been and that would be like a used car salesman in Chaos. The Rocky Mountains and Appalachians Mountains would be a pothole in Chaos… while the smallest ant hill you’ve ever seen would take 10 years to climb up in Chaos. One tear from the last time you cried could start a tidal wave in Chaos… one giggle could start a monsoon… lighting a single match would be like 62 erupting volcanoes in Chaos… one puff of a cigar would create a dense fog for 50 square miles… the Great San Francisco Earthquake would be like your turning over in bed in Chaos… spilling a small glass of water could start a rampaging flood washing away entire cities… Saying a simple word in Chaos could cause a revolution and a paradigm shift of cosmic performances…yet all the words spoken by every teacher in every K-12 class in American since WWII would cause as much of a ripple as when you throw a pebble into the sea… Decade old cold ash could start a raging, rampaging forest fire in Chaos… the moisture in a small cactus could create a 5 day torrential thunderstorm… A broken, shattered leg could heal in a second… a soft pillow could cause severe head and neck injuries… a hang nail could cause the pain of a gun shot wound in the stomach in Chaos… a single splinter could feel like 10,000 needles were placed throughout your body… you could only laugh if your hand got chopped off in Chaos Love in Chaos makes your head roll off your body, your heart beat 1,000 times faster, your body to shake as if you were having a seizure… In Chaos, Love is the best ecstasy you ever experienced multiplied by 16 then squared All the laughter from all the Marx Brothers, Woody Allen and Adam Sandler movies put together would be a chuckle in Chaos… the funniest joke you ever heard would start an immense avalanche across the a whole mountain range in Chaos If you took all the hallucinogen drugs on Earth over a year that would be the same as watching an hour of C-Span in Chaos There is a North, South, East and West in Chaos, but they shift directions without rhyme or reason, become one direction or pair up then become 123 directions or do all at once. The Moon gives its light to the Sun in Chaos… yet the Sun can be brighter than the Moon Clocks run clockwise, counterclockwise and randomly in Chaos While the number keep changing and there can be from one to 98 hands There are a infinite amount of numbers in Chaos yet sometimes only 1, 2, 3 and 4 or just 0 All the ancient and modern languages spoke at once on Earth make some of the language of Chaos Rage, Violence and all the World Wars of the Earth are like conflict at an 11 year old birthday party over who goes first in pin the tail on the donkey Peacefulness in Chaos makes the greatest peacefulness on Earth seems like the fighting in the Middle East for the last 7.500 years The Forests of Chaos are as small as Spring bud on a single oak tree… a tree in Chaos is bigger than all the rain forest on Earth put together A 12 course meal on Earth for 50 people is a single after dinner mint… a great banquet for 100 people in Chaos would be ½ a stale cookie on Earth If you attempted to have a decent definition of Chaos in words you would need to fill every dictionary and every encyclopedia on Earth… you can describe Chaos well with one look In Chaos, you could parent your great great great grandfather and your great great great grandmother could beat you in a 40 yard dash… you can age forward, backward and sideways in Chaos depending on the moment You’d forget the last sentence you said as the last word came out and remember everything from the dawn of humankind in Chaos In Chaos, satori-enlightenment is as easy as counting from 1 to 10… In Chaos, being stupid and ignorant for decades is as easy as counting from 10 to 1 Experiencing beauty and ugliness can last 1,600 years in Chaos Everything ever shared by philosophers could be said by an eight year old boy talking to his dog in Chaos… At times there are all the answer in Chaos, but you wouldn’t know the questions… while other times, all the questions you could have is answered in the time it takes you to inhale and exhale If you spin around 360 degrees in Chaos, you are in a different direction that you started… sometimes, if you spin 180 degrees you are back to where you started Your spin could decide to leave you for a vacation in Chaos… your bones could decide to relocate on your body and do so… If you took all the emotions you have ever had that would take less than 5 minutes… and this would be less than 1/100th of the emotions you would experience every 5 minutes in Chaos… An island in Chaos can be attached to land and a peninsula not be…. Every wish you every had can be exceeded in Chaos…even ones you never knew you had…the same with your fears… In Chaos, your sense and experiencing a man and a woman is heightened beyond your imagination… in Chaos you can change genders, be both genders, be no gender or become a new gender In Chaos, dualities can become clearer or become nondualities… nondualities can become dualities or nontenalties or nonthoudandalities Yet Chaos is much, much, very much more and different from all this…as well as Chaos being much, much, very much less and different from all this…sometimes, both at the same time… who is to know unless you experience Chaos and in the Chaos Ritual and Ceremony soon to begin you may… who knows? ________________________________________ Rain comes Roads gone Beaches gone Waters flow Ducks swim Birds fly I understand by Red Bear ________________________________________ Group Leadership in Mentoring Group by Red Bear 1. Task Leader 2. Socio-Emotional Leader 3. Initiating Leader 4. Historical/Herstorical Leader (Patterns too) 5. Conflict Generating Leader (Provoking Conflict too) 6. Trickster… Silliness… Humorous… Leader 7. Take it Deeper and Deeper Leader (7 Levels – Meaning and Depth 8. Soul Work – Spirit Path Leader (Ascending and Descending) 9. Small Group Dynamics and Process Leader 10. Voice of GROUP-as-a-Whole Leader 11. Meta Communication-Process Leader 12. Self Disclosure… Risk Taking… Vulnerability Leader (Role Model) 13. Storyteller 14. Ritual and Ceremony Leader 15. Teacher… Teachings for/of/to/with the Journey Leader For over 30 years, I have led therapy groups and fmentoring groups. Leadership is group therapy and group mentoring is a core, vital and crucial dynamic. With lacking, missing, ineffective or poor leadership, therapy and mentorship groups will fail to be meaningful and lead to needed change, growth and development. One of my many tasks as the leader of mentoring groups is to create, build, develop and enhance mentorees becoming leaders in the group and in their lives. I gave out the list above to a wondrous adult mentoring group I am honored to guide. For those who are familiar with group therapy you will clearly observe some differences in a mentoring group. ________________________________________ GO TO REDBEARSJOURNEY.COM TO LEARN ABOUT SERVICES OFFERED BACKGROUND INFORMATION ________________________________________ Roadside Graves by Red Bear Just a couple or so drinks Let go of some steam After a high stakes meeting Wife at the house always busy three children being kids two sons probably fighting one daughter most likely crying Got to check e-mails tonight a few deals had to come through Damn, have to get a few bills paid and a belated birthday card to mother Next week is the church fundraiser Two twenty-somethings leave the bar Nasty music blasting out of wide-open windows To day and to night was a totally bust Shitty job, snobbish girls, screaming parents Screaming to the music to release all the built up anger, cynicism, futility Rageful, resentful, laughter Big future wishes without paths or vision Tomorrow looms ahead to be the same again Only nine more miles on this crappy country road till I hit the expressway then cruising at 90mph Only five more miles on this road they know like the back of their hands where they learned how to drive He flashes his brights at the car that is way over the middle of the road that has no lines The other car pays no attention as they both approach the curve The county sheriff’s car with cherries lit blocks the road Fire trucks and ambulances on their way The sheriff shakes his head wanting to cry, but remains dry as he knew those boys that are now buried in a twisted heap of metal There are three wood crosses on the side of the road You can’t miss them as you come out of the curve Two have wilting flowers around them one also has a birthday balloon the third has artificial flowers ________________________________________ The Seeker by Red Bear I will continually be a seeker I have arrived in each present moment I will ceaselessly search for truth I share truth with whoever will listen I am on a never-ending quest for wisdom Wisdom arises each time I descend I am looking to Love and be loved deeply I have found the fire, earth, water, air of Love I endlessly journey to discover who I am I rediscover who I am with each inhalation I wander without stopping to empty the I Quiet, Stillness, Silence, Chaos, Nothing ________________________________________ The Seeker II by Red Bear I’ve looked for patience impatiently I sought truth through conditioned rules, roles, concepts, theories I pursued wisdom through knowledge and knowing I desired Love through attachment and disappearing Oh, how ridiculous Oh, how absurd Oh, how futile (and cynical) Oh, how suffering causing Emptied of these complex nightmare illusions I awaken patience truth wisdom Love Being ________________________________________ THE Personal, Impersonal, and Transpersonal by Red Bear The Personal Fred: Arnold, you are one ugly guy! Arnold: How dare you say that to me! Fred: You are not only ugly, but stupid too! Arnold: You are a jerk and a smuck! Fred: Besides being ugly and stupid, you are a wimpy coward! Arnold: In one minute, I’ll beat the crap out of you and we will see who is a coward! Fred: No one likes you, respects you or wants to be around you. In addition, you have poor hygiene and smell like rotten liver! Arnold: There is no one who is a meaner, more abusive person than you. This is why your wife left you for her personal trainer and your kids runaway whenever they see you! Even your dog loathes you! Fred: No one would want to sleep with your wife, but you wouldn’t know this because your impotent. Your children are the laughingstock of the neighborhood. Your dog is a rat-faced, scared, ugly hound that reminds me of you. Arnold: I don’t know why I am your friend or put up this crap. I leave and feel horrible and terrible about myself for weeks after being with you. Fred: I am with you because I pity you. I am the only one who will lower themselves to be with you or be seen with you. Arnold: I have to go, I feel awful and sick. As Arnold leaves a seagull takes dump that lands all over his head. Arnold feels everyone and everything is out to get him. He feels like a pathetic loser. Later, Arnold learns he won the Biggie Enormous Power Power Ball Lottery and feels like all is right with him and the world. The Impersonal Fred: Arnold, you are one ugly guy! Arnold: Are you having a bad day, Fred? Fred: You are not only ugly, but stupid. Arnold: Why do you say these things? Fred: Because you’re such a loser, Arnold: I don’t find anything you’re saying to have to do with me. Fred: That is because you are so dense and Are just a wimpy coward you want to not deal with my honesty. Arnold: Fred, you’re not talking to me. I really can’t respond to what you are saying. Fred: You are a total waste of my time. Arnold: Well, I am going to leave now… good- bye.(Thinking to himself: Fred is a very hostile, offensive person. He can’t share with others probably to protect himself. Regardless of what Fred said or who Fred is, it has nothing to do with me.) Fred: Yeah, just runaway and disappear like you always do. You’re pathetic! (Arnold keeps walking away.) Arnold gets hit with a huge pelican’s dump. He chuckles to himself and goes home to clean himself off. Later, he learns he won the Big Powerest Biggie Ball Lottery. He has a wide grin. Still later, he goes outside to have his Sacred time of Silence. The Transpersonal Beyond the I, me, my, myself Transcending the human ego and its culture and realities A space and place that can’t be known But how glorious when experienced for even a moment (outside of time) A wondrous, delightful, awe-inspiring present moment (on Fire, Loving Earth, flowing Water, Soaring in the Skies in a twirling circle of all 7 Directions individually and at once with Time) This is magical, clearly it is mystical Far away from the mundane and profane A uniting, connecting energy and force Entered through doors of Silence and Love Emerging through the Self, the Soul, the Daemon A walk, swim, dance, soaring in Chaos Descending, Ascending, Both at once It is NOT about these words It is less and more and both less/more There would be no one to write this or, who is to know, perhaps it is Spiritually written without words by us all in/of/with/to The ONE ________________________________________ Mentorship is a commonly used word, but rarely found… very rarely… very, very rarely… ~ Emptying ~ Healing ~ Transformation ~Transcendence ~ Guidance to SELF and SOUL ~ For mentorship of adults, young adults and adolescents, call Red Bear at 708.387.1210 ________________________________________ For true help for teenagers who need to make changes in their thinking, emotions and behavior, call Tom Sitting Wolf Undine LCSW at 708.387.1210. ________________________________________ LOOK… LOOK… LOOK… LOOK…LOOK… LOOK… and you will find workshop, consultation, training, staff development, storytelling and other services on this website. ________________________________________ COMING SOON TRUE WARRIOR INTITIATION: Rites-of-Passage Weekend Retreats Guiding Boys to MANHOOD For 14-18 year olds and 19-24 years olds A WARRIOR DAY IN NATURE: One day experiences for 10-13 years olds Call Kevin Red Bear Dubrow LCSW or Tom Sitting Wolf Undine at 708.387.1210 for information for individuals, groups, schools and organizations. ________________________________________ Below is part of a quiz I created that was taken by a wonderful group of journeyers (“The Cult”) after watching one of my favorite movies. Watch this great movie…take the quiz…call Red Bear for the answers (708.387.1210.) By the way, everyone who to the “FIDDLER ON THE ROOF NIGHT” brought great Jewish food and we all had lots of laughs! Official Fiddler on the Roof QUIZ Red Bear and only Red Bear decides if you have the right answer. No whining or cheating! 1.What musical instrument does the fiddler on the roof play? Hint: It is NOT an oboe or tuba! Remember in Zen, there is nothing that is easy or hard. In Jewish Zen, there is so much that is so hard. In Jewish Zen, oh can things be hard! However, if you get this question wrong, you are clearly not communicating with your Spirit Guides or most of your left or right brain.) 2. The director of the movie, Norman Jewison, is: (a) Inuit (b) a Psychic Child of China (c) Jewish (d) a Christian journeyer (f) from Banana Republic 3.Anatevka is: (a) Cleveland (b) a suburb of Haifa, Israel (d) a vortex like Cathedral Rock (e) a rural village and surrounding farms in Mother Russia (h) Columbus, Indiana (g) Las Vegas (h) Pilsen-UIC-Pilsen-UIC 4.What inspired the FIDDLER ON THE ROOF Broadway show and movie? One point for title: One point for author: An additional point: if you gentiles can say the author’s name like a true Yid. 5.What is the Rabbi’s blessing for the Czar? 6.Nathum, the beggar, is given less money than usual because business has been bad for his donor. The beggar’s response is????? This beggar has chutzpah. Many people here need lots and lots and lots and lots more chutzpah! Only those who got this question right can go for a bonus point---for an additional one point: WHAT IS CHUTZPAH? Think of Red Bear! 7.In the song TO LIFE TO LIFE, the lyrics are TO LIFE TO LIFE ________! Thus, what is the Yiddish word for TO LIFE. Think of this as TO THE JOURNEY… TO BEING ALIVE… TO THE PASSION… TO THE SOUL…. it’s also used as a toast, but to the chagrin of some here there is, as usual, no alcohol tonight, but there is ________ TO LIFE! 8. What is the “Good Book” that Tevye constantly quotes wrong: (a) Five Books of Moses (b) the Torah (c) the Old Testament (d) Everything You Always Wanted to Know about Judaism But was Afraid to Ask (e) Paul’s Letter to the Corinthians (f) Yiddisha Godzilla Meets Goyisha Motha (g) Rilke’s LETTER TO A YOUNG JEWISH ARTIST (h) The POWER of LATER 9. In the song TRADITION, THE MAMA has to make a _____ home, a _____home and a _____ home? (One point for each…total three points!)) No points, but you should know this: What is the difference between a tradition –and- a ritual and ceremony? See Journey Work even tonight! Wait till Dugas in 10/08 when RITUALS AND CEREMONIES take on a whole new, deeper ascending and deeper descending meaning. Yes, this is a plug! However, if you fail this quiz, you won’t be allowed to participate! 10. Who was the star of the Broadway show that was quite pissed off that he wasn’t Tevye in the movie? Bonus point: Why didn’t he get the part? A funny thing happened on the way to this question… oh, just answer the question! It isn’t Sammy Davis Jr or Pee Wee Herman, who is Jewish; however so was Sammy Davis Jr….though not born a Jew. 11. What does Yenta take and take when she visits Golde to tell of her match for Seidel? Bonus point: What is a yenta? You have to be clear and exact to get the point! No bubbamice allowed! No points, but worth answering if you got guts: 12. Before Sabbath dinner, Tzeitel wants Motol to tell Tevye about their wish to marry. Motol tries ineffectively till he finally gets Tevye’s attention. What does Motol then say to Tevye? Motol is a stumaluch! Motol needs to find and develop his True Voice. However, he is clearly intimidated by Tevye’s Big Bear Energy and becomes a tiny mamala boy. How, many of you understand poor Motol’s dilemma because it is similar to your own pitiful-ness? 13. What is Motol Kamzoil waiting for to be delivered so that he feels ready for taking a wife and for a successful financial future? No point: Is what Motol does a job or vocation? If you don’t know, you’re a smageggie! Motol Kamzoil would be an awesome name for the next cat someone in the Cult gets…or a new dishwashing detergent. 14. Who does Hodel wish a match with before she falls in love with Perchik? Additional point: Why was this match very, very unlikely to ever happen? Bonus point question: What TV series did Paul Michael Glaser (who plays Perchik) star in? (He was cool, rough, rugged and Jewish with a cool car. I needed him back then. His partner had Soul.) 15. What does Perchik do at the wedding that is so radical and against the religious laws at that time? Perchik is a true HERO…in case you were interested and are still unsure…despite the Jungian Night. No points: why is he a HERO? 16. Why do the meany, poor mannered Cossacks wreck the wedding party? Don’t get complicated, geopolitical, New Agey, or metaphysical… a simple answer will do! McCain (UGH! SIC!) sought the Cossacks who wrecked the wedding endorsement…got it and rejected it and secretly sought it again. OBAMA (WOW!) is willing to meet with the head of Cossacks, but doesn’t agree with them at all. 17. In the song IF I WAS A RICH MAN, Tevye wants a house with how many staircases? Additional point: What is each staircase for? I sing this song wonderfully and would have made the best Tevye ever! You all are just blessed that I dropped out of show business after the fifth grade! I still secretly wait a call to be Tevye…then watch out TOPOL! 18. The Boring Russian Cossack smataface goyim Fyedka, who is the worst of all the characters in the movie, gives Chava a ______ that starts their relationship that results in a marriage Tevye will not bless? 19. Before Yenta’s proposed match, what does Lazer Wolf give to Tzeitel to woo her each time she goes into his shop? 20. In the dream sequence made up by Tevye, what does Grandma Tzeitel advise Golde that must be followed or there will be dire consequences? For no points: give each of the 7 levels of meaning for Tevye’s made up dream. This is a bad role model of relationships. Tevye wasn’t a warrior, but we will forgive him for having a soft heart for his daughter. Daughters can do that to you…so can marriage. No point bonus: Was Tevye being Machiavellian to make up the dream to manipulate Golde or was his using tactics from Sun Tzu’s ART OF WAR? Note: Neither of these are Jewish sources. 21. In the song MATCHMAKER: Tzeitel, Hodel and Chava sing about future matches: for Papa make him a __________, for Momma make him ___________ and I wouldn’t mind if he was __________. One point for each…three total! 22. Where is Topol from (a) the Bronx (b) Brooklyn (c) Queens (d) Manhattan (e) Staten Island (f) Passaic, New Jersey (g) Israel (h) Vatican City? Notice that the only NYC borough that has a “the” before it is the Bronx…there is the “the” yet again. For a bonus one point, why is this so? 23. The Russian Goyim Scum Cossack Constable likes Tevye, but Tevye doesn’t appreciate this. Why? This answer requires thought above an IQ of above 80, but some of you may manage anyway. No point bonus question: Is Tevye more the TAO OF POOH, TEH OF PIGLET, or MOMO? 24. In the song MIRACLE OF MIRACLES, what are the TWO miracles God has created involving Motol? (One point for each miracle…two total!) These are miracles that some people here could use. Oh vey! If you are failing this Quiz so far, maybe you should pray for a miracle. 25. Who makes the Sabbath Prayer at sunset at the start of Sabbath singing the SABBATH PRAYER song? (Three Sabbaths in one question!) I saw this on many a Friday night, but, if I told you who did it, it would give the answer away. You can’t coerce it out of me! 26. When meeting in the village as Tevye brings his milk cart, what does the Jewish men learn from one (Yussel) reading the newspaper? No point bonus question: If Tom Robbins wrote Fiddler how would it be different? Note: Tom Robbins transcends being a goyim. 27. In the song SUNRISE, SUNSET, fill in the blanks: When did she grow to be a ________. When did he grow to be so ________. (2 point for both or zero!) 28.When Lazer Wolf and Tevye are talking together, Lazer Wolf is asking for Tevye’s blessing to marry Tzeitel. What does Tevye think Lazer Wolf wants from him? Miscommunication because of assumptions and lack of directness is a serious problem, especially in finding the right place to live…though funny here. Perhaps, you could learn from this, but who is to know? 29. How many daughters do Tevye and Golde have? ONLY if you got the question correct--One point bonus question: Looking at Tevye and Golde only having daughters from Jungian wisdom what would this symbolize? 30. Why is Tevye and his family leaving Anatevka? Where are they going? One point for each answer, but must get both right cause they are so easy!) No point question: Compare and contrast the characters of Tevye and Zorba from ZORBA THE GREEK in their relevance in the postmodernist world?) 31. In the song DO YOU LOVE ME?, what does Golde and Tevye conclude at the end? Since a matchmaker matched Golde and Tevye, what does this say about matches verus people choosing who they will marry? How much will you pay me to be your matchmaker? DO YOU LOVE ME? Lizard MTU! 32. Why is Perchik leaving Anatevka ? Bonus bonus point: Where is Hodel going to be with Perchik when she leaves Anatevka? 33. Why did Tevye eventually approve of Tzeitel-Motol and Hodol-Perchik marriages even though it wasn’t through a matchmaker and why doesn’t Tevye approve of Chava’s marriage to the facakta Russian Cossack? 34. Who is the only Jew in Star Wars? This person would have been a good choice to be in Fiddler. Instead, this person was in THE BLUES BROTHERS…go figure…they were mad for Belushi! No points, but I’ll be impressed: What great Jew was this person once married to? Who was that great Jew’s partner who was also Jewish, but not great? What borough in New York City were they both from? What Woody Allen movie that I love was the great Jew the person was married to in? Woody Allen is Jewish…what a shock! 35. Did you notice Tevye has ongoing conversations with G-d and a relationship with G-d? For one point, when Tevye is talking to G-d about Jews being the CHOSEN PEOPLE what does he say to G-d? Did you notice how “G-d” is written? For one point, only if you got this question right, why do Jews write “G-d” this way? Big BIG Huge Enormous Five Point Bonus Question 36. What is meant by the symbol of “a fiddler on a roof”? You can include what Tevye says, but must go way, way beyond to get the five big bonus points. Go deep with the symbol or no points! Each person will read their answer and get an individual score for this! ON YOUR HONOR, ON YOUR SELF AND SOUL, ON YOUR RESPECT FOR RED BEAR, YOUR TOTAL POINT SCORE (CROSS YOUR HEART OR 7 DIRECTIONS YOUR HEART: _______________ Score Key: 44 or above: Reb Morton Mintz Award… without smaltz, you are Chanukah, Passover and Purim rolled into one. You get the seat facing Jerusalem on Yom Kippur and Roshashona. You are the MENSCH’S MENSCH! (Odds are no one gets this!) 43-33: You’re an honorary Jew! You’re a real, true MENSCH! Mazel Tov! L’chayim! Oy gutten himmel, you are so wonderful boychik or girlchik! You’re mother is so proud of you! You are a CHOSEN ONE! You’d be a great wailer at the Wailing Wall. You might want to join Mossad. You are a scholar who brings honor to all of Judaism. (Odds are a few will get this.) 32-22: You are a decent goy who can aspire in your next life to be a Jew. You have MENSCH possibilities and potential. However, you are NOT living up to your mensch capacities, but you’re not chopped liver either. You’re mother doesn’t have to turn her face to the ground and spit to keep the bad spirits away. (Odds are many will get this.) 21-11: You are a putz! You are a moron, idiot cossack goyim. Only your mother could love you, but even she is is overstupped with tsuris over you. You have the brains of stuffed derma! You have the heart of krepla! You have the Self and Soul of tzimmis! (Odds are a few will get this…ov vey!) Below 11: You are an embarrassment…. leave quickly without even saying goodbye. Everyone is humiliated for you… you’re such a schmeil, schmuck, schmazzle and smeckl. You are unleavened dung. You are like a matzah ball made of lead that causes ulcers. Even your mother doesn’t love you and she is galishing because of you and she is too ashamed to be seen in public. You are as goyish as George W and Dick Cheney! |