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| RED BEAR'S JOURNEY September Issue 2006 A Newsletter by Red Bear (Kevin Dubrow LCSW) September 2006 * Dubrow & Associates * 3640 Prairie Ave., Brookfield, IL 60513 * All calls to 708.387.1210 _____________________________________________________________________________ Am I better off because I am on a journey asks a woman in the throes of pain and deeply wounded. Yes. Regardless of my outer life, along with my outer life, despite my outer life, given my outer life, Yes. I don’t have to react. I can detach. I can watch. I have a Witness. I have my true voice to express my whole being in each present moment. I can be quiet, still and Silent. I have a grounded, core, rooted, stable true Self. I can be a Puer, a Fool, a Hero and a Warrior. Oh, have I been a Hero and can be a Hero, but , much more importantly, I am a Warrior. I am a Man who is a Warrior. I can be Coyote, Pan, a Trickster and a shape shifter. I can be in great pain with great wounds. I can and have learned so much from my pain and wounds. I have died many times. I have mourned and grieved as well as honored my own dying and death many times. I have been reborn many time. Each rebirthing of Red Bear has been a magnificent gift. I am strong and soft and can accept my rigidty/ harshness and weakness. I am humble to the depths of my being and full of pride and gratitude for who I am. I swim in the Chaos and find freedom and liberation in the Nothing. I can accept when I am drowning in the Chaos and enslave myself in the Everything. My gift of intuition is one that I honor and work on. I am Fire and grown to be Earth too. I am Air and I Work to be and sometimes am Water. I have been so gifted with teachings, guidance, illumination and enlightenment. I can also accept my ignorance and stupidity as well as being an idiot and moron. I have been taken, carried, called and gifted with great wisdom from outside of me and within me. I have wondrous clarity, compasses, direction and Vision. I can accept and learn from my lostness, stuckness, stagnation and confusion. I have gifts for others and myself to empty, heal, transform and transcend. Yet, I can accept when I can’t do any of these for others or myself. I create and live in sacred rituals and ceremonies. I find within me stories, poetry, creativity and art that often ascends into my outer life. I have a Soul…. an old Soul that is so wondrous, radiant, illuminating, dark, light, and loving. I LOVE. I am open to being LOVED. I am a Green Man and have found my path with/in/of Nature. I am an amazing Anima that is ever so delightful. I have been gifted with great Truth. I accept that I create and believe in many illusions. I have learned and will learn ever so much from Truth and illusion. Truth has guided me to live by many codes and live with integrity. My past are stories to share, teach with and learn from. I have many visions of the future. However, my journey has taught me to live and BE in each sacred present moment. I have traveled, been carried, been taken and been called by all 7 Directions. I have witnessed the magical and mystical outside of me and within me.. I remain naïve, open, vulnerable. Oh Yes, I am better for my journey, but that is not the right question. Whether it is better or worse, I wouldn’t be Red Bear without my journey __________________________________________________________________________________ Iron John Dedicated to raven for his birthday by Red Bear Grandfather tell us the story of Iron John. My blessed little ones I have told that story so many times. Please, tell it again. Which Iron John story should I tell? The one that has lots of adventure and ends happily. Ok, listen young ones to this great tale….. Long, long ago, in a kingdom ruled by a king and queen, there was trouble in the forest that was to the east of the royal castle. Everyone had grown afraid to go into the forest and it was said to be enchanted by an evil spirit. When boys or men went into the forest to hunt forest creatures for sport, they came back emptied handed as well as bruised and bloodied. When men went into the forest to cut down trees, they came back emptied handed and tattered and torn. All these battered boys and beaten men would say was that an evil giant at such a great speed he seemed invisible had caused them their wounds. Even the King and his royal courts hunting party had to be cancelled out of fear for their lives. The King offered a treasure of gems, jewels and gold for anyone who could capture their wanton monster. Men of fortune, mercenaries, soldiers and hunters all tried to get the prize, but either disappeared never to return or came back severely damaged. The King double then tripled the bounty, but all experienced the same failure or worse. On day, a wizard who was known to practice the dark arts came into the kingdom and learning of the treasure went off to reap it. Disguised as a woodpecker, he combed the forest till he found what the kingdom had called the evil giant. Yes, he was over eight foot in height and had muscles to match, but he seemed actually more of a gentle forest creature then an evil monster. He wore clothes made of leaves, wild grasses, moss, branches and bark. His long brown hair seemed like the mane of a wild horse. This wild giant creature seemed to have much power so the wizard decided to just watch and wait. At the height of the full moon on a late winter night, the wild giant walked into the middle of the lake and he laid down as if it was a bed to sleep. As he fell asleep, he sank to the bottom of the waters. Only his left hand was to be seen above the water line. The wizard rushed back to inform the king and the King’s Royal Guard and First Battalion capture the evil monster, as he remained asleep. The wizard who practiced the dark arts received his reward and went off on his way. The evil monster was put in a humongous iron cage that had an enormous lock that had only one key. The key was placed under the queen’s pillow that was the most secure, safely guarded space in the kingdom. The King and Queen promised a torturous death to anyone who even tried to unlock the iron cage and free the monster. The people of the kingdom from royalty to merchant to soldier to farmer to serf came to see the monstrosity. At first, they all were too frighten to get within several yards of the iron cage. Children started to throw rocks and taunt the evil giant with sticks; eventually everyone came right to the bars. The evil giant just seemed to remain in a trance or a stupor with the only words he would mutter was “my forest, my forest, my forest”. After awhile, the novelty wore off and the caged beast was forgotten and became like one of the kingdom’s dry wells. Now, the King and Queen had but one son. The Prince was a handsome boy, some even said beautiful, but he was sheltered and protected from everything and everyone by his royal parents. With no one ever around him but servants and protectors as the King and Queen were too busy with affairs of the court to spend time with him, he grew up very, very alone except for his many toys. His most favorite toy was a solid gold ball that sparkled in the Sun. One day, when his protectors were distracted and his servants busy doing chores, he went out from the castle tossing his ball high up in air. He didn’t realize he had gone very far from the castle till he saw the iron cage that housed what he was told was an evil monster that had been meanly named Iron John. When he got close to the iron cage he heard the being inside the cage saying in low, slow, deep tones “my forest, my forest, my forest”. The Prince asked the caged being if it was okay. Iron John kept saying “my forest, my forest, my forest”. The Price asked what about the forest. Iron John pleaded to be let out of the cage to return to my forest, my forest, my forest. The Prince said he was too scared to let him out, as he would be eaten. Iron John fell silent. The Prince somehow was not scared of Iron John, but still he knew he would incur the terrible wraith of the King, Queen and entire kingdom if he let Iron John go. As he walked away he realized he had forgotten his treasured gold ball. When he turned around to retrieve it, he saw it was in the Iron John’s right hand. Please, please give me my gold ball begged the Prince. Only if you let me free answered Iron John. The Prince’s ball was his best friend so he agreed to open the cage. Where is the key asked the Prince? It is under the Queen’s pillow. The Prince said that it was impossible to get the key as the King’s bedroom was heavily guarded and you had to call through the King’s bedroom to get to the Queen’s bedroom. Further, the Prince knew the Queen was renown for being the second lightest sleeper in the kingdom next to the King, who was the lightest sleeper in the kingdom. Iron John told the Prince he was a smart able lad and could do it then Iron John would not only give him the gold boy, but help him and more for all his days. Now, the Prince had never been told he was smart or able and to be told he was smart and able inspired him. He also felt sorrow for Iron John who seemed very kind and who sadly missed his forest like he missed his golden ball. So, the Prince decided that he would get the key unlock the lock free Iron John get back his gold ball and perhaps make a friend. Many, many nights went by and the Prince could not figure out a way to get the key. He returned to tell Iron John it was hopeless, but Iron John told him that he had confidence and trust and faith in him. Being told by someone that they had both confidence and trust and faith was even better than being smart and able so he decided no matter what he could get the key or face the consequences how dire they would be for taking the key from underneath the Queen’s pillow. The Prince came up with a bold crazy plan. Very late in the hour of the Owl, the Prince told the King’s royal bedroom guards that he was summoned to come to see the King at this precise hour. The royal guards were surprised and shocked, but given this was the Prince they let him in. As he tip toeing through the King’s royal bedroom, he heard the King muttering in fear “don’t hurt me Iron John, don’t kill me Iron John, take them instead Iron John”. The Prince realized that the King was having a nightmare. When the King seemed to be waking up, the Prince said “I am Iron John and if you awake and leave your bed I will hurt you and I will kill you.” The King pulled his royal comforter over his head and slept more deeply then he ever had. When the Prince got to the Queen’s bedroom, he saw the Queen rolling list fully barely asleep. Silent as a doe, he came to the Queen’s bed, but she stirred as if to awaken and he hid under the bed. As he waited and waited not knowing what he was waiting for, he heard the Queen mutter, “oh what dress to wear, oh the parties to plan, oh will the King disapprove.” He seized this opportunity and said, “If you awaken you and leave your bed you will have the ugliest dress of anyone, your parties will fail dismally, the King will greatly disapprove of you.” The Queen pulled her royal comforter over her head and slept more deeply than she ever had. The Prince took the key from under the pillow. The Prince freed Iron John and Iron John could barely walk. He told the Prince it was no use and by the time he limped to his forest the kingdom would be awake and he would be caught and imprisoned once more or killed. The Prince went and got the biggest wagon with the biggest horses in the castle stable. Iron John said to the Prince you are ever so brave and courageous, resourceful and quick of mind and feet. The Prince had never been told this and now felt he was smart and able, had confidence and trust and faith, was resourceful, brave and courageous as well as quick of mind and feet. He got Iron John to the forest and stood at the edge of the forest. Iron John gave him his gold ball, which he just rolled away in the direction of the castle. What is wrong asked Iron John? I can’t go back to the castle and don’t know where to go. Come with me into the forest and I will help you and more said Iron John. So the Prince did. Days and nights with Iron John in the forest were ones of hard work, great learning, much joy as well as delight and wonder. He loved the forest. He loved Iron John. One day, Iron said to the boy. It is time to see if you will stay in the forest or will leave. The boy was dumbfounded. Iron John took him to stand in front of a small pond. It was the cleanest, clearest, most beautiful pond the boy had ever seen. Iron John said I will come back when the sunsets and the pond is to be as clear and clean as it is now…make sure it stays that way. The boy worked all days to keep leaves from going into the pond, but it was to no avail as no matter how many leaves he took out more got in. Iron John returned and saw the boy had failed. You must keep the pond clean tomorrow or you will leave the forest. To matter how hard he worked, how diligent, how great his effort, leaves kept getting into the pond and the boy was very disheartened. He was so upset he started to weep and weep. He had never cried before so there was a great deal of tears to come out. As he cried he put his head over the pond and his hair touched the water. As soon as his hair touched the water all his hair turned to pure, pure gold. He ripped off a piece of his shirt and covered his head. When Iron John returned, he told the boy he must leave the forest. As Iron John took the boy to the edge of the forest, he said to the boy that he would always love him and would always be in the forest to offer help and more if the boy sought him out. When the boy walked out of the forest and headed down a road. He stopped to take a drink from a spring and saw that he was no longer a boy. He had become a young man while in the forest. He walked and walked and came to a distant kingdom. He approached the castle guards asking if there was work he could have. They told him to leave before they ran a spear through him, but as he went to leave, the Cook seeing the young man took pity upon him. The Cook told him the only work there was entailed scrubbing the pots and pans in the basement of the castle. He took the job which was ever so difficult, demanding, and tedious. The worst part was he was stuck from before sunrise to after sunset in a very hot, damp, dark basement with light from only a piece of candle or two. What made it even hotter was he had to keep his head covered so no one could see his pure, pure gold hair. One day, there was a great, great, grand celebration that went on for many days and nights. The Cook told him he would have to bring food as all the servants had dropped from exhaustion. Happy to be out of the basement, he took up platter after platter after bowl after bowl after pitcher after pitcher to the royal celebration. He especially enjoyed placing food and drink at the table of the King and Queen because their only child was a quite beautiful Princess. He even imagined the Princess smiling at him once, but dismissed this quickly. When he was bringing in the last of the food and drink, the King saw that he had his head covered with a rag. The King demanded he immediately take off the rag or have his head taken off for this rude, disrespectful behavior in front of the whole royal court. He fled as fast as his strong legs from hard work and endless toil could carry him. The guards and soldiers trying to catch him where pretty drunk and he got away. When he told the Cook, the Cook told him the guard and soldiers would figure out he worked for the Cook and he must flee. When he went to leave the castle, guards were everywhere. He jumped the wall into the private garden where only the King, Queen and Princess were allowed. No sooner was he in the royal garden when the Royal Gardener spotted him. He quickly told the Royal Gardener what had happened and the Royal Gardener took pity on him and gave him a job. He enjoyed working in the gardens as he was outside. The gardens were not as beautiful as the forest, but none-the-less they had a beauty of their own. One day, the Princess entered the garden and saw him before he could hide. She called him over and said you were the servant who ran away at the royal banquet rather then remove your rag from you head. She asked him why he did so. Somehow, he told her the whole story starting with releasing Iron John and his hair turning pure, pure gold in the pond. From that day forth, they became good friends and met often to talk, laugh, tell stories and share secrets. One day, there was an urgent ringing of the castle alarm bells. The kingdom was under attack from a neighboring kingdom. All guard, solider and able men were called to defend the King, Queen, Princess and kingdom. Carefully tucking his pure, pure gold hair under a scarf that was a gift from the Princess. The young man went to the head of army and asked to be able to serve. He was laughed at and told to go back to the gardens. When he told the Royal Gardener, he was going to help no matter what. The Royal Gardener told him that he must do what he must do, but he was a fool and would die. He told him that even if the kingdom falls to the enemy they would need gardeners too and he should just hide in safety. The young man went to the edge of the forest and called out Iron John, Iron John. Iron John appeared and they hugged and hugged. Iron John, I am going into battle and I have nothing. I will help you and more, Iron John said. Iron John went into the forest and came back with a giant white battle horse, white amour, a white shield and a mighty white sword. The young man rode into battle and was a great warrior. He was an inspiration to all the king’s guard, soldier and men of the kingdom who fought twice as hard to victory with him as their example and lead. After the victory, the young men returned the horse, shield and sword to Iron John expressing great gratitude and appreciation. If you need me, I will help you and more said Iron John. The King and Queen did their best to find the brave knight who rallied the troops and lead the victory, but he couldn’t be found. The young man had returned to work as a gardener. He didn’t tell the Princess of his exploits and their friendship continued to blossom. One day, a different invading army said to be led by a wizard that practiced the dark arts attacked the kingdom again. The kingdom appeared to be doomed. Again, the young man was mocked for wanting to help the cause and protect the kingdom. Again, the Royal Gardener counseled hiding. Again, the young man went to the edge of the forest and called out Iron John, Iron, Iron John. When told what was going on, Iron John said I will help you and more. Out of the forest, he brought a giant gold battle horse, gold armor, a gold shield and a mighty gold sword. The young man raced to join the battle and once again proved to be a man among men, a warrior above all others. Again, this inspired the guard, soldiers and men of the kingdom fight more valiantly than ever before. However, they were not winning the battle and looked like they would lose the war because of the wizard who practiced the dark arts. The young man charged at the wizard who practiced the dark arts and was thrown from his horse. The wizard who practiced the dark arts took the young man’s shield and armor. He was about to strike a deathblow to the young man when the young man took off the scarf to let his pure, pure, pure gold hair come free. If I am to die thought the young man I will no longer hide my pure, pure gold hair. Somehow, the Sun hit the young man’s pure, pure gold hair at the perfect angle to blind the wizard who practiced the dark arts for just an instant. In the instant he remembered to be the smart, able, competent, resourceful, brave, courageous man that Iron John had foreseen and grabbed his word and put it right into the wizard who practice the dark arts heart. Purple blood sprayed out of the wizard who practice the dark arts then he got smaller and smaller till he seemed to vanish. After the victory, the young man went to return the gold horse, gold amour, gold shield and gold sword to Iron John. As he went to give them back and while he was expressing great gratitude and appreciation, Iron John told him to keep them as they were his and he had earned them. If you need me, I will help and more said Iron john as they departed. The King and Queen ordered every man, woman, and child in the kingdom to come forth for a great, grand victory celebration and they were more than determined to find the great hero and warrior who had once again saved the day. As the royal festivities were going in, the young man with his pure, pure gold hair flowing free, mounted on his giant gold battle horse, dressed with brilliantly shining gold amour, with lustrous gold shield and mighty gold sword slowly rode into the center of the celebration. The King, Queen, and everyone else were in utter amazement. The Cook and Gardener were in shock too. But no one was as surprised and happy, well overjoyed, as the Princess. The King and Queen offered the young man whatever he wished. The young man asked for only the chance to talk with the Princess alone for a few moments. When the young man and Princess returned they announced they would be wed. Oh the great joy and the incredibly amount of preparation for the royal wedding. Except for the young man and Princess, no one was happy than the King and Queen who felt they were getting a son, a wonderful husband for their daughter, a new heir for the throne and the possibility of quite beautiful and gifted grandchildren. The young man went to the edge of the forest and called out Iron John, Iron John, Iron John. Iron John came and asked how can I help you and more. The young man told all that had transpired and about his upcoming wedding. He asked Iron John to come as his honored guest. Iron John thanked the young man, but said he would never leave the forest again and if he was ever to leave the forest again he would die. The young man had a plan. The day of the wedding arrived and it was held at the edge of the forest with Iron John as the very much honored and esteemed guest. The new Prince told his story from childhood and the golden ball to the wedding day. To his surprise, his parents had come to the wedding not knowing this was their son. His parents came forward and sought to be recognized by their son. The new Prince told his parents they were welcome at the wedding, but Iron John was his parents, the King and Queen were becoming parents, and the Princess was his beloved. His parents quickly receded into the crowd then went back to their kingdom. Iron John, Iron John, Iron John called the aging King. How can I help you and more. I am very old now Iron John. My son, John named after you, will be named king on the morrow. I will miss you Iron John as I will be dead within a fortnight. As I will miss you as you have always been my son. Iron John, I need your help only once more. I will help you and more just ask said Iron John. Please help and guide my son as you did me. I will help you and more. __________________________________________________________________________________ Curmudgeon Remembers by Red Bear I remember my grandparents telling me I had to dress up to go pickup relatives at the airport. I remember when color TV felt like a miracle. I remember when I got I used IBM Selectric Typewriter a school I was working in was selling and feeling it was truly amazing. I remember when you got a rental car a sales clerk spending 20 or more minutes going over how the car worked. I remember there was only one fast food restaurant (and there was no term “fast food” restaurant then) in all of the Bronx, New York. I remember when you could only get coffee at a restaurant or diner…. and it was just coffee. I remember there was only one supermarket in a vast area and there were more bakeries, butchers, and shoemakers than any other store. I remember taking my girlfriend’s parents to the only shopping mall in existence and they were amazed. I remember going to see cartoons, previews, two movies, getting popcorn and candy for 75 cents (and there were no ads). I remember a senior citizen neighbor telling my grandmother I had said one curse word and my grandmother washing my mouth with soap. I remember when working hard and doing your best no matter what the job or task being important in it’s own right regardless of what you got for it. I remember when people realized that a public space was everyone’s space not just their space to do as they wished. I remember when there were no bottled water and if you would have said people would buy bottled water you’d would have said they were nuts. I remember when people had to deal with, cope with, manage emotional pain without getting a psychiatric diagnosis and medication. I remember when the pharmaceutical companies said teenagers and children would never get psychiatric drugs. I remember when teachers ran schools and administrators were there to help them. I remember when the teacher was right, the principal was almost a divinity and you were afraid to get a call home because you’d be wrong and the teacher or principal would be right. I remember learning that you couldn’t ever feel pleasure or good based on another human being’s suffering or pain. I remember when one had to always be polite and respectful to senior citizens even if you disagreed and they were wrong. I remember knowing all my favorite sport’s star sports achievements and didn’t know, or care, about their salaries or personal habits. I remember when sports were about sports and not about capitalism, ads, sensationalism, drugs, alcohol, money, money, money…. I remember when entitlement was considered very immature, selfish, and wrong. I remember when few people I knew could afford to buy books and the library was one of the greatest places in the world. I remember when learning was enjoyed and loved just to learn without needing an end result. I remember when sex was not a commodity. __________________________________________________________________________________ Autumn Intensive Training Seminar GROUPS that Change Lives: Dynamics, Tools and Skills in Setting up and Leading an Innovative Approach to Counseling, Therapy and Mentorship Groups for Adolescents Seminar led by and manual written by Kevin Red Bear Dubrow LCSW Friday, October 13th, 2006, 9 am to 3 pm Dubrow & Associates Offices 3640 Prairie Avenue, Brookfield, IL Cost: $165 includes seminar, manual, continental breakfast, lunch at Irish Times, surprises Deadline to register is October 6, 2006 This intensive seminar is for school social workers, psychologists, counselor and special education educators as well as helping professionals who work with teenagers in a variety of settings. The seminar will be incredibly helpful and amazingly beneficial to those who are new or beginning to led groups as well as for the advanced group practitioner looking for renewal and to become more masterful in groups. The seminar will explore understanding and utilizing small group dynamics and processes to maximize adolescents making needed changes and growth. The seminar offers an unique, innovative model to creating groups that are empowering change agents. The learning, tools and skills in the seminar will be relevant and vital to working with a wide range of acting-out and acting-in adolescents including teenagers with anger and rage issues, depressed and despairing teenagers, alcohol and drug abusing teenagers, bullies, teenagers with Issues related to identity development and lack of identity development, teenagers who have no motivation, teenagers who fail to work, and many others. AUTUMN SEMINAR GROUPS that Change Lives In 1971, Kevin Red Bear Dubrow LCSW led his first group and has been hooked ever since. He has a great passion and love for groups. He was a group facilitator, group leader and group builder for New York City colleges and community centers. He was trained at National Training Laboratories in small group dynamics and processes. For six years, his root mentor, Morton Mintz, trained him in Jungian Group Work. During his social work masters at the University of Chicago, he specialized in group treatment being trained by Emanuel Hallowitz, Paul Gitlin and Mary Louise Somers. He has taught or co-taught at the University of Chicago Group Treatment of Children, Group Treatment of Adolescents, Group Treatment for Adults and Advanced Group Treatment for Alumni. He has led many, many groups for adolescents including adolescent repeat and violent offender groups, adolescent sexual offenders groups, group for post-hospitalized adolescents, groups for suicidal teens, groups for teens with severe anger problems, teenagers in street gangs, groups for behavioral and emotional disordered groups, alcohol and drug abusing teens and many more. He has written many training manuals on groups with adolescents as well as groups with parents of adolescents. He has conducted many, many workshops for helping professionals in school settings and youth services training and for special education educators. He has been the consultant on groups for many school districts and special education cooperatives. He has led national conferences on use of groups with adolescents. One of his teenage therapy-mentorship groups ran for over 18 years. He has led rite of passage and other retreats and visionquests for adolescents in Illinois, Wisconsin and Arizona. Red Bear loves helping others love groups. What joy!!!! IF YOUR GROUPS ARE NOT HELPING CREATE THE CHANGE AND GROWTH YOU ARE SEEKING WITH TEENAGERS, THIS IS THE WORKSHOP FOR YOU. Note: To maximize learning, this seminar will be a small group itself so a limited number of participants will be able to attend. Kevin Red Bear Dubrow LCSW, Dubrow & Associates, 3640 Prairie Avenue, Brookfield, IL 60513. Call 708.387.1210 if you have additional questions. |
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